In retrospect it all seemed so foolish, his every thought, his
every action. He had been blind, so completely and utterly consumed by his own
hatred that he couldn’t see anything. It was almost laughable did the very
thoughts not fill him with such self-loathing that he would wish himself from existence
if not for the friends who still believed in him. For reasons he still could
not understand, cared for him, saved him. He couldn’t disappoint them now.. he
had to keep moving, had to make the dream they believed in come true, for their
sakes as well.
Is the king alright now?
No. No he wasn’t. Some days Richard wanted to scream. He would
never be; never would the scars that he had wrought on this world fade from his
memory, nor the crushing weight vanish from his heart. Never would a nineteen
year old boy know how to carry the burden of living with those sins. He
desperately sought the path to atonement because it was all he could do. It was
the only way he knew how to live with the guilt of the blood on his hands.
“As alright as a king who might attack his own people could be, I
suppose,” Richard answered, his tone empty, disguising the emotions that ran beneath
his calm exterior. His own gaze remained fixed on the horizon, not trusting it
to meet the one he could feel regarding him. “He has not attacked his own lands
since the events that took place back then, but I imagine only he truly knows
what went through his mind when he did so.”
“Pressure…” he repeated, his gloved fingers twining as elbows
supported him against the rail. The clear sky overhead, the quietness of the
ship save the sound of the water, the calm might have made it difficult to imagine
those times and yet the voices rang so clearly in his mind.
Tell
me Asbel… what is it that I have done wrong? Why couldn’t he see it? You
betrayed me. Why when it was right in front of him. When blood ran from his
hands could he still be so blind. You betrayed me!!
“The previous king had only recently died, and a civil war over
the throne ensued between the current king and his uncle, the archduke. After
attacking Lhant, the king did not make any public appearances for near 6
months, and many say he was sick with grief over what happened. I suppose
pressure may have played its part, but that is hardly reason enough to attack
one’s own people.”
Lies… they all believed lies. This world. No one really
knew the full weight of his sins. No one knew the king they now celebrated was the
very same to condemn them. They would all hate him if they knew, of that much
he was certain. That was why… he had to atone. Not only for his mistakes,
but for the lies he lived each and every day.
“In the end I do not know if his reason accepted or not. The
current Lord of Lhant is friend to the king, so it is difficult to say if the
people have truly forgiven him, or if they simply follow the lead of their Lord
who holds their loyalty. I suppose only the people of Lhant could tell us the
answer to that.”
“Is that so? That’s unfortunate, it is not a tale I wish common.
None should have to experience such a thing. tell me, this person… did they
find forgiveness in the end? Or were they condemned for their crimes?” Richard
finally turned to Emil, his expression heavy, eyes suddenly carrying far more
than his nineteen years.
“Forgive
me, here I am prattling on when you look tired.” How quickly he had lost
himself in his own selfish thoughts, forgotten that his companion had collapsed
in the meadow and then been forced to battle monsters and travel without repose
since. “Forget I said anything, shall we see about getting some rest? It will
be a few hours to the capital assuming conditions remain optimal so there is
ample time.” Richard himself doubted he would get any such sleep, but it was no
reason to rob his companion of what was likely much needed.
It would not be his
first sleepless night, after all.
Emil was quiet then. He sat there, his head tilted down into the sea. His ears picked words, listened to hollow noises that appeared to be disconnected, yet personal. The apology spoke for it, and it took restraint not to question the apologies. Though no such thing passed his lips, his head lifted quietly. He was tired. He felt the strangeness in his skull that told him he was dizzy, the pressure from … whatever force had knocked him unconscious ( be it natural or unnatural ) taking its toll upon one half of the boy. Unable to speak clearly until both halves were fully conscious, he returned a half gilded stare to the man before him.
If Richard spoke from personal experience, then there would be ticks, tells, the fact he could speak freely about these subjects, disconnected from them … He would wonder if, perhaps, he should put into question.
Yet he simply offered his half smile, the warm counterpart to such a serious conversation. “I don’t know either, Richard.” Emil’s eyes flitted. “Y-you see … I left on very confusing circumstances a handful of years ago.” There’s a little laugh, scratching the back of his head. He did not wish to talk about the Guinnungigap. The place which brought nightmares to life, underneath eyelids living and breathing beneath his skin. Having to always be aware for ones life, never a moments rest.
Yet, with these limitations, nay, because of these limitations. To feel such a way as he was would be considered against protocol. Against the nervous system that pumped adrenaline into his body, waxing it’s strength until there was no more. “I hope he was … “ There’s a touch of wind, brushing his own hair back. “Because the world would b-be a worse place without them, despite anything they may have d-done.” Though little ever really thought of that. His head jerked at the suggestion and there was a little hint of weak laughter.
Sleep. Yes, he should be getting that, shouldn’t he? During these days where he could positively say that one person would not be scared by what they saw on the other side of the mirror. His hand offered itself to the unknown royalty. Smile brightening his features, as eyes close in an endearing fashion, open palms for Richard to accept or decline “Only if you a-agree to go with me. I’m not the only one looking worn d-down.”
His smile gives way to a grin. “You’ve been really nice to me, I’d h-hate to be a bother.” One half of a whole. Green slowly opened, calm. “Maybe we could talk more, too. Ah —.” there was a pause, finger moving to scratch at the edge of his cheek. “O-only if you’d like, of course. I don’t have a l-lot of stories to share, but it sounds like you know a lot, and it’d be m-my honor to hear.” There was an odd giggle, almost nervous in the back of his throat.
“N-not to mention, I’m going to be relying on y-you anyway, because I’m pretty sure we’re s-somewhere I’ve never been before.” He glanced to the side, “So, anything y-you tell me is important. And who b-better to tell me than you! This is Capital is your home, isn’t it? You’d at least know the sites, how to get around … ” Emil avoided talking about anything to have him talking about himself. Deeming it unimportant ( or attempting to ) for someone else. He would rather not have to go through an interrogation of ‘what you are’ from someone as kind as Richard.
After all, it wasn’t like he and Ratatosk meant to cause trouble. They just … Sort of landed into it!
Lifting the back of his foot, he scratched at it with his fingernails, bending down slightly to do so with his free hand. “S-so? What do you say?” He offered, what he hoped to be a well-received look, and gave a slight grin. “Oh! I could offer to trade a little bit of w-what I know? About monsters! I mean… after all, y-you did like my abilities … maybe, I could answer questions th-there and you could tell me about this place?” And ‘place’, he meant world.
The emphasis of the entire being around Richard, the way he spoke, the people he talked about. Everyone, everything. “It’s always the m-most interesting coming from another person instead of learning by experience.” He had to be careful, the words ‘another human’ near slipped into his speech. Getting re-adjusted with memories from a thousand years, prejudices and how he held them making his fingers twitch.
Being Ratatosk. No … being half of Ratatosk was difficult because of this. One half of his tongue was willing to use the slang, human, elven, monster, beast, creation, yet the other half struggled, not liking it. They were all near the same, some lived longer, some did not die and simply recreated themselves in forms that resembled crystals.
Richard smiled as the boarding plank gave way to the ship beneath his feet, to the ever so slight sway of the vessel in the waves, patiently awaiting its departure. Normally the journey back to Barona was filled with a faint sense of disheartenment, a parting from the friends he held so dear until next he could find the time to visit. This trip held none of that, was chased away by the one travelling next to him. Richard could not say he had been expecting to meet anyone when he’d first heard Asbel and Sophie away; it was a rather pleasant turn of events. Instead he foud himself filled with a faint thrum of excitement, curious, perhaps even anxious to see how things would proceed.
“Is that so? Then this must be quite familiar to you,” the monarch chuckled, following Emil over to the rail he leaned upon. “Port towns have a charm to them that I enjoy. The cities such as Barona have ports as well, but I find they lack the atmosphere of smaller port towns. Did you live there long?” Emil’s choice of words, that he was born there rather than he lived in one suggested that perhaps it no longer the place he called home.
There was much with Emil that went unsaid, at least that was the impression Richard left with. A pause between thoughts, the flicker of something beneath the surface far deeper than he could hope to reach that glimmered at times behind his smile.
“Are you concerned about it’s state?” Richard inquired, tucking his thoughts away at the back of his mind, warm smile never faltering from his expression. “If so it isn’t any trouble to look around, it would give us a chance to see a bit more of the capital as well. There are quite a few blacksmiths and many do custom work if you would like your present blade repaired rather than replacing it outright.”
Given both Barona’s size and its location as home to both knights and those in training there were few if any weapons that had not passed through the capital’s gates at least once. Many blacksmiths made a comfortable living supplying the knights with the weaponry and if none capable of repairs his friend’s blade he would be highly surprised.
“Alright, if you’re certain, but please do not hesitate if there is anything you need.” It would seem that Emil alright, sincerity enough in his promise for Richard not to pursue the subject further. He had done well enough on the highroad earlier that the monarch need not fear his sword would fail him.
The sway of the ferry almost seemed in sync with the soft breeze that blew, carrying a salty scent up off the water. The sun only barely peaked out over the horizon, sailors hurrying about, lighting the cryas lanterns upon the deck before the last of the daylight faded entirely. Richard could not wholly shake the contentment that settled over him, or hide the smile that curled at the corners of his mouth. It was calming; something about this time, this moment put him at ease.
Richard’s eyes closed a moment in thought, his form leaning against the rail and eyes lost in the darkening horizon as the breeze toyed with strands of his golden hair. His mind was distant as he passed through so many moments, through war that he had spearheaded himself against a usurper upon the throne, of Valkines that no longer shone and monsters that spawned from a cocoon at the heart of the world.
_They always rebuild.
They’re really strong. _
“Yes,” Richard finally answered. “The people here can be very strong. They have rebuilt their homes after disaster was visited upon them, they put back together lives that had been thrown into chaos. People can be… truly incredible.”
His head craned towards Emil, finding his companion’s gaze with an expression that for a moment looked impossibly weary, fighting to carry a burden that was too heavy to bear. It was no more than a flicker, chased away by the soft smile at his lips.
“Did you know not all that long ago Lhant was embroiled in war?” Richard offered, feeling the lurch of the ferry as it pulled away from the port. “This country’s king laid siege to it, attacked it with the very soldiers that should have protected it. Then not even a month later, it was torn apart again, this time by nova monsters. Yet looking at it now, one would never know what they have been through. Each time its people rebuilt, each time they banded together against what threatened them and restored the homes they cherished so dearly. People can be remarkably resilient, can find happiness even after the greatest of horrors. It is perhaps one of the most remarkable traits about them.”
Yet even if they healed… Richard knew well one was not hurt in such a way without leaving a scar. Simply because it tucked away where none could see, did not mean it forgiven.
A king lost in madness… tore his kingdom asunder.
His people were strong, were able to rebuild….
Yet their king… he was not so.
"O-oh my, it’s quite alright, Richard!“ Emil was quick to continue waving his hands, insisting upon the former stated item, before his next words were spoken upon. Such statements of thought and intrigue left Emil somewhat quiet. His smile almost waning before eyes closed and his head ducked.
The thought of a king whom would attack their own soil…it seemed ridiculous, had he not known a man with the last name of Lualdi, whom pushed his daughter with his troops in the same line, knew the type of man which had done it, and knew … or at least, hoped he knew, that the king … ”Is…is the k-king alright now?“ His words were quiet, emerald eyes slowly lifted to Richard, head tipping towards the side. A quiet understanding seemed to have fallen behind Emil’s eyes, and certainly while he was impressed, awe-stricken, even by the peoples resilience.
To hear of a person like that of which he’d met prior. ”I m-mean…“ his head turned away again, his body moving with it to look to the fading sun, ”…he must have b-been under a lot of pressure…to h-have pushed th-that far…“ Fidgeting, his hands worked with the confines of his scarf, as if he could weave it into something else entirely by simply staring and meddling with it enough.
”I…I know it’s … probably a w-weird thing to think about…“ especially when given that information, but … ”I j-just… know a person that sounds similar…“ He hoped the people were as forgiving as his friends had been, as thoughtful as Richter had seemed … Emil knew all too well of being ostracized, knew of the pain which tore at ones belly and swirled until he could only stare half-heartedly at his hands. Yet people, humans, they would always find room in their hearts.
Even for spirits who had no right to ask for such a thing.
His mouth set in a thin line, canting his head away, tired. His body was aching, weary, traveling straight from waking up had been much more taxing on his body than Emil would take it for. He knew he would be safe, but he did not wish to be so ungrateful to the man who was offering him sanctuary. Green gaze turned, encompasing the sea, teetering between looking back to the person who was beside him and away.
”There’s no excuse,“ Emil said it slowly, ”but, there is a-always a reason. I just hope …“ A soft smile, something much more tender, like a wound ripped open raw for the young looking adult to understand, something he was much too familiar with, ”… I hope his r-reason was accepted.“
A wound, memories whizzing passed, a young boy desperate for power, asking for help, humanity betraying him, putting him to sleep, leaving him dazed and confused as a young researcher threw himself between an elf-like man who reminded him too much of a betrayer, hatred buzzing between his lips, weak, weak, ever so weakened from wakening from slumber.
Eyes were growing heavy.
Meeting Marta. The first time, the very first time, he had not remembered until much, much later in their journey. The hand he had offered her, the howling of a centurion companion he knew, disappearing, seeing burning buildings, a dead family, boy to the side, unable to see anything but the fact another was in front of her. A mother, desperate, uncles and lashing out at the only thing he understood.
Standing at the gates and realizing what would have to happen. A silent breath, forcing out hostility between his lips as he rushed in and attacked.
It had been for a good reason.
She had forgiven him.
His head was beginning to sag, fingers intertwining through blonde hair as a sharp breath was sucked in between teeth. Still woozy from before, or perhaps it was simply the fact he hadn’t eaten much and only snacks in twenty-four hours. Either way, the summon spirit stood, trying to calm the storm, no other way to back out of such emotions without the ability to call forth the other in his skin.
”N-neh, neh … it’s fine if y-you don’t want to talk about him. I u-understand.“ And that look, even if it was not directed at the unknown king, showed he did. A grimace, one that was hidden behind a half-smile, eyes downcast, avoiding light, staring at water. No sound to hide behind other than the soft sounds of sea around them, the rolling waves on the ship the only distraction taken.
Emil did not offer information on himself, only asked questions. He did not feel comfortable with giving this man information, lest he use it for something that it was not intended for. Information, twisted thoughts or ideals, Emil could not stand that. Could not hold himself accountable for certain actions to someone who seemed so nice.
